Welcome to the Places of My Mind

Inspired by Lennyx's confidence and attitude from the times that we've hung out together, I've set a new policy for myself. I'm going to be less restrictive with what I hide from friends that I know and trust. I really like how open Lennyx is about stuff that I ask them and it's made me realize how much I do hide from others, whether from fear of others not understanding and being judgmental or worrying it will make things awkward for myself/others. Now, I will obviously not share some things with certain groups of people, say coworkers, but overall, I intend to be more open than I have been.

Most of the stuff that I hide has to do with gender identity and my interests, particularly in feminine clothing and cute stuff. I identify as genderqueer/genderfluid, which means that I tend to present as I feel that day or at least lean towards a neutral presentation. My pronouns are He/Him, but I do accept being called She/Her. This spooks the service staff at restaurants a bit as they tend to apologize for "misgendering" once they see my face. The long ponytail tends to throw them off. I have desire to convert my wardrobe to mostly softer fabrics, which means I usually go shopping in the Junior's section of JCPenny for clothing. So far, I haven't gotten many odd looks for doing so, but I'm usually with a female friend when I do this sort of shopping. I'll probably never have the confidence to do it on my own for a long time, but having non-judgmental friends definitely helps calm my anxiety about doing my clothes shopping in the Junior's department.

I do have days where I wish I was born female, but for the most part I'm okay with the body that I do have. I'm finally at a weight that I'm happy with (140 +/- 1-2 lbs) instead of being close to 110 lbs. I have hair that is long enough to do a ponytail with, which I usually keep up so it's not caught under bag straps or seat belts. Some day, I would like to get tattoos, but I'm still trying to decide on a design for the first one. I'd like to experiment with fingernail polish as there are so many interesting colors, but I'm currently living at home with my parents since I lost my job. My mom might be okay with it, but my dad certainly won't be. Also, the smells of the chemicals of the nail polish and remover would give him a headache due to his multiple chemical sensitivity. At some point, I would like to be able to afford to laser off my facial hair so I don't have to shave almost daily. Within 24 hours, my facial hair starts coming back as stubble and I very much don't like that.

In the past, a trans friend asked if I was going to transition. I don't intend to do a full transition from male to female, but I do want to at least alter my looks a bit so I'm not read as completely male. I like being treated like one of the girls every once in awhile.

As for other things that I hide, I will make them more known later. Gender stuff has been a central focus for the last few years or so. It's nice having friends/family that accept me as I am. Those who don't? I don't consider them friends/family worth keeping.